Going back!
Its been a long almost a year...no...but it seems like it...since I last posted here..things, time or I have been so busing with my schooling, thinking about everything, worrying about anything or most of the time doing nothing. I hope that I could say a lot of things now since its really been a bit long but then I could never know..lets just wait and see what my muse will dictate me...
An Update to what going on with me lately...
I could not summarize all that has happened cause even if its just weeks it would take years (oh im exaggerating again!) for me to write it and for you to read it (that is if anyone bothers to visit my blog)
reality check - - I failed all my exams since semi-finals (intentionally?...i guess..why...im not so certain)
time check - - five more days and hell week will pass and judgement day will come (i will get what i deserve)
lifestyle check - - i've spend most of my time (if not all) watching movies, tv or sleeping (believe it or not..im sleeping)
vital signs - - i ate an average of 5 meals per day but still i didn't gain any significant amount of weight
answers -- wrong :)
weve taken a few pictures for our project and..ok...remembrance...if we..unluckyly failed to maintain the quota in our course (there a higher chance that it will happen)
And... a few thoughts of mine...
There were a few articles that i read from Peyups (yes...i admit in a peyups addict...and no.. im not yet ready for detoxification) that really struck me hard (ouch!) because i saw within it my own reflection
1. Mask (apocalypse)
"How could you radiate such peacefulness when you are full of angst inside, full of complaints against the world, burning with hate, plotting every minute for the destruction of human race? How could you be so gentle even if you are chaos personified? How could you be so meek when beneath that thick skull of yours is a diabolical mind? It seems you are too good to be true, too impossible to exist, too inhuman to be human, how could you be so? "
- - I totally agree. How is it possible? Why do people expect you to be good when they do not know and understand well what you trully feel (or suffer)? They are probably misinformed, deceived or blinded with the truths of the world. How could they possibly know? Impossible.
Lucky for this person for he had found that person who can..even if not truly understand but at least grasp even just a bit of his heart and mind. Lucky for him for he has a lifesaver whenever he drowns in the uncertain ocean of thoughts he chose to venture. Maybe he was more than lucky... he is blessed and I know that I'm not and I could never be (maybe because I greatly doubt that he is really there). I admit it would be better if I also have one...but then for now or until i do not know.. i'll hold on to myself and I won't expect for her/him to come.
2. Cliche of Melodrama (linchpin)
"But you’re not pining for somebody. You’re not crying for someone else. But you want to—it would make more sense if you did. It would not do well to cry over lost coins and wishing wells; the failure of missing shooting stars; the incomprehensibility of mourning the death of a single ant carrying a portion of a crumb on its tiny little back, calling yourself a murderer until you are persuaded by your guilt. What if suddenly, you are too tired to dream? That suddenly, everything makes so much sense that you just have to accept them at face value. You only want to see what’s logical. You want to dwell on what’s real."
Shit!(sorry I just can't help it)..something just stabbed me..something just created a BIG HOLE inside me.
It is true... definitely true... undeniably true... and it happened, happens, and (I think) will continue to happen to me. These are the moments when pain is engulfing you wholely that you can't determine where it started, what caused it and what can make it stop. To elborate further, those times when you knew no one and nothing could make it stop and you've got nothing left to do but endure it, learn from it, and make the most out of it. Then after it you can't even lift a single finger of your body because all of who you are, the things you have worked hard for long and the dreams you have carefully woven is sucked by the "melodrama" which lasted for only a few minutes or hours. Too tired, you have no choice but just to go with the flow because resisting it demands a lot of energy which you lack now. (oh..i just rephrased it...but thats it..thats what i intend to say)
3. The Hermit (lastboyonearth)
"The secret of life," he continued, voice turning to a stage whisper that I was sure everyone could hear anyway, "is numbness."
"'Tis simple, really. The older you are, the more numb you get. Eventually, you stop feeling anything. Joy, Pain, whatever. It's all a blur to you. Nothing you can do can change this. It's the law of nature, boy. When that happens, nothing can save you."
Oh my!...another...
At first I didn't quite get what the author means by this but when I repeatedly read it I finally grasped it. But still it left me wondering...pondering on why he said it and how true is it. After a few hours of mind bending analysis Icame up with a conclusion..that is...he is right..but not totally(or is it?). How could the secret of life be numbness? He had answered it already but I'll try to simplify it according to my understanding. You become numb the older you get because the experiences you faced made you tougher. It increases your treshold for pain... by being immune to the events that you previously encountered. This really applies in our lives but numbness might be an unsuitable term for it. Numbness is characterized by absence of sensation. We can feel the pain (that is why it is unsuitable) but the only difference is that the effects of it is not as much as is does the first time. We now know the mechanisms for coping against it. And I believe that "stronger" is a better term for it.
On the other hand he might be totally true but it only applies for certain persons (or instances). There are times that we become numb of the things that are happening to us. We developed a kind of "comfortability" with it and it passess like every other normal thing. If this happens we become so pitiful and just like what he said, "nothing can save you". I hope I (or we) will never come to this point.
:)
An Update to what going on with me lately...
I could not summarize all that has happened cause even if its just weeks it would take years (oh im exaggerating again!) for me to write it and for you to read it (that is if anyone bothers to visit my blog)
reality check - - I failed all my exams since semi-finals (intentionally?...i guess..why...im not so certain)
time check - - five more days and hell week will pass and judgement day will come (i will get what i deserve)
lifestyle check - - i've spend most of my time (if not all) watching movies, tv or sleeping (believe it or not..im sleeping)
vital signs - - i ate an average of 5 meals per day but still i didn't gain any significant amount of weight
answers -- wrong :)
weve taken a few pictures for our project and..ok...remembrance...if we..unluckyly failed to maintain the quota in our course (there a higher chance that it will happen)
And... a few thoughts of mine...
There were a few articles that i read from Peyups (yes...i admit in a peyups addict...and no.. im not yet ready for detoxification) that really struck me hard (ouch!) because i saw within it my own reflection
1. Mask (apocalypse)
"How could you radiate such peacefulness when you are full of angst inside, full of complaints against the world, burning with hate, plotting every minute for the destruction of human race? How could you be so gentle even if you are chaos personified? How could you be so meek when beneath that thick skull of yours is a diabolical mind? It seems you are too good to be true, too impossible to exist, too inhuman to be human, how could you be so? "
- - I totally agree. How is it possible? Why do people expect you to be good when they do not know and understand well what you trully feel (or suffer)? They are probably misinformed, deceived or blinded with the truths of the world. How could they possibly know? Impossible.
Lucky for this person for he had found that person who can..even if not truly understand but at least grasp even just a bit of his heart and mind. Lucky for him for he has a lifesaver whenever he drowns in the uncertain ocean of thoughts he chose to venture. Maybe he was more than lucky... he is blessed and I know that I'm not and I could never be (maybe because I greatly doubt that he is really there). I admit it would be better if I also have one...but then for now or until i do not know.. i'll hold on to myself and I won't expect for her/him to come.
2. Cliche of Melodrama (linchpin)
"But you’re not pining for somebody. You’re not crying for someone else. But you want to—it would make more sense if you did. It would not do well to cry over lost coins and wishing wells; the failure of missing shooting stars; the incomprehensibility of mourning the death of a single ant carrying a portion of a crumb on its tiny little back, calling yourself a murderer until you are persuaded by your guilt. What if suddenly, you are too tired to dream? That suddenly, everything makes so much sense that you just have to accept them at face value. You only want to see what’s logical. You want to dwell on what’s real."
Shit!(sorry I just can't help it)..something just stabbed me..something just created a BIG HOLE inside me.
It is true... definitely true... undeniably true... and it happened, happens, and (I think) will continue to happen to me. These are the moments when pain is engulfing you wholely that you can't determine where it started, what caused it and what can make it stop. To elborate further, those times when you knew no one and nothing could make it stop and you've got nothing left to do but endure it, learn from it, and make the most out of it. Then after it you can't even lift a single finger of your body because all of who you are, the things you have worked hard for long and the dreams you have carefully woven is sucked by the "melodrama" which lasted for only a few minutes or hours. Too tired, you have no choice but just to go with the flow because resisting it demands a lot of energy which you lack now. (oh..i just rephrased it...but thats it..thats what i intend to say)
3. The Hermit (lastboyonearth)
"The secret of life," he continued, voice turning to a stage whisper that I was sure everyone could hear anyway, "is numbness."
"'Tis simple, really. The older you are, the more numb you get. Eventually, you stop feeling anything. Joy, Pain, whatever. It's all a blur to you. Nothing you can do can change this. It's the law of nature, boy. When that happens, nothing can save you."
Oh my!...another...
At first I didn't quite get what the author means by this but when I repeatedly read it I finally grasped it. But still it left me wondering...pondering on why he said it and how true is it. After a few hours of mind bending analysis Icame up with a conclusion..that is...he is right..but not totally(or is it?). How could the secret of life be numbness? He had answered it already but I'll try to simplify it according to my understanding. You become numb the older you get because the experiences you faced made you tougher. It increases your treshold for pain... by being immune to the events that you previously encountered. This really applies in our lives but numbness might be an unsuitable term for it. Numbness is characterized by absence of sensation. We can feel the pain (that is why it is unsuitable) but the only difference is that the effects of it is not as much as is does the first time. We now know the mechanisms for coping against it. And I believe that "stronger" is a better term for it.
On the other hand he might be totally true but it only applies for certain persons (or instances). There are times that we become numb of the things that are happening to us. We developed a kind of "comfortability" with it and it passess like every other normal thing. If this happens we become so pitiful and just like what he said, "nothing can save you". I hope I (or we) will never come to this point.
:)
posted by Mitchelle at 3:37 AM
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